Confessions of a family planner

As a newlywed, I would smugly remark that we didn't plan on using NFP. But even then I was only able to half convince myself that this had anything to do with “generosity” or “trust in God.” Actually it had everything to do with the fact that abstinence fell somewhere just below charting on the bottom of the fun scale. The truth was, I hadn't thought much about the matter; I hadn't prayed to know God's will. It wasn't a matter of discerning a call to a large family, it was a matter of me being lazy. I then effectively silenced my conscience on the issue of responsible parenthood with various snippets of rhetoric I'd heard or read.

With time I've learned lessons and faced some hard facts. Choosing to make love whenever we feel like it isn't “leaving the planning of my family to God.” It's me making a choice that I know is likely to result in pregnancy. When my husband and I discern that inviting God to send us another child is the loving decision, that's the time for us to let things take their course and leave the results “up to God.” I realize that for some couples this is the situation for the duration of their marriage, but it's not so for me. There are other times in which I have to make the generous decision of self-sacrifice for the well-being of myself, my husband, and the children we already have. At times the decision to sacrifice through self-denial is the harder choice than just doing what I want to do.......and calling it “putting it in God's hands.”

I can't get around the fact that God won't just send me children. There's only one time in history that a Child was born without the involvement of a man and woman (and even then He asked the woman for her free consent.) The only ones who owe their human existence directly to God's intervention are Adam and Eve - everyone else got here through the free choice of other humans. When I was laying out my plans for dodging NFP, I was denying my personal responsibility for my actions. In nothing else did I hold God accountable for some deed of mine reaching its natural fulfillment. If I choose to make pregnancy possible, I am responsible for that choice and its consequences, bottom line. This means we've had to accept the fact that this choice carries the same moral and ethical ramifications as any other action and “plan” our family accordingly, trusting God to help us know His will and do it.

Beauty from Firewood

Since the last time I wrote about Tom's woodturning, a lot has happened. One main event for Tom was the purchase of a new lathe, a Vicmarc VL300. A significant event from my point of view was that he was able to sell enough of his other tools to cover the cost! Tom had a memorable and beneficial week at Mike Mahoney's woodturning class in Provo, UT. That was a memorable week on the home front, too, since all but one of us ended up being sick and the power went out........ Tom has also been trying some new bowl styles this year.

The wood for the bowls Tom turns mostly comes from friends and acquaintances who have fallen trees in their yards or trees that need to come down. This means that Tom starts with logs or basically chunks of firewood. His gift is that he can see the potential for something more, and the results keep getting more impressive.

 

 

The bowl above is turned from Ambrosia Maple, and its special coloring is created by the ambrosia beetle. Interestingly, this means that the beetle has also left some tiny round holes in the wood! This flared design is one of Tom's favorites.

 

 

 

This paper bark maple bowl is different from many others because of the bead around the exterior. It's a simple addition, but it really makes the bowl stand out.

 

 

 

Here is an enclosed rim walnut bowl. The shape is out-of-the-ordinary in that the rim turns up just a bit right at the top. Overall, it is very eye-catching style.

 

There are lots more pieces to see at http://www.etsy.com/shop/BowlsByTomZepeda, and Tom keeps adding new bowls for the Christmas season. Anyone local should contact us directly so we can waive the shipping fee. :-)

 

 







 

Are we honey or vinegar?

"You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar." But is reactionaryism (yep, it's a word) turning faithful Catholics into vinegar?

-A person piles up Styrofoam to light it on fire and announce, "I'll care about the environment when they make abortion illegal."

-The fad of spending time in church watching out for any signs that the priest is "liberal" and/or carrying out modesty inspections.

-The mode of Catholic education that ignores or gives a token nod to historical issues like the oppression of women and racism.

-The "unbiased" Catholic history lessons that judge non-Catholics by objective Catholic moral standards and devote sentence after sentence to "explaining" Catholic misbehavior on grounds of cultural norms and "no worse than what everyone else did at that time."

-The replacement of joy with a focus on the faults of popes, bishops, and priests as well as anything else negative happening in the Church.

-Ignoring papal wisdom if it does not match one's politics, while practically elevating one's own opinions on education, dress, hymns, etc. to the level of dogmas.

-Conservative Catholic subcultural - "We don't recycle....on principle." "We're not ecumenical." "We're loyal to the Pope, but even though the Pope says Mass with altar girls, we're 100% against them."

These things yield counter-reactionaryism (that one's made up) and revulsion. On the other hand, a healthy human is attracted to goodness that's accompanied by joy, by humility, by gentleness, and by a positive attitude. Being a Catholic who's faithful shouldn't bring out the worst in us - our love of gossip, our smug rejoicing in the failure of others, our snobbishness, or our tendency to rationalize. Let's use the vinegar in us to disinfect ourselves, killing the germs of sin, and attract others to Christ through the honey of a positive, loving approach.

Emergency in the lunchroom

After a seventh grade year being bullied as a homeschooler that showed up at the public school for band class, after years of social awkwardness, after fighting for the ability to walk into a room full of my peers without wanting the floor to swallow me, I made the mistake of thinking I could walk into the Steubenville cafeteria by myself. Unwisely disregarding my rule of never showing up anywhere without a friend, I strolled in, confident that I'd see someone familiar and sit down with them. Besides the fact that it was the first week of my freshman year and I did not know many people yet, it wasn't like everyone went to lunch at the same time. So, I stood there with a tray full of food as panic set in. None of the open seats seemed like a safe bet - the danger of rejection was lurking everywhere. Any poise, any confidence I had gained since seventh grade vanished. I was once again the girl with no friends, the girl whom no one liked. The fact that I remember this moment so vividly 16 years later speaks volumes.

In a couple more seconds, I'd have probably dumped my lunch in the trash and gotten away as fast as possible. But then someone I'd never met came up to me, and he asked if I'd like to "sit with us for lunch." It wasn't flirting, it was one of the kindest acts of charity I've ever experienced. The memory of the relief and gratitude I felt is just as strong as the memory of the hellish thirty seconds before that. I sat down, had lunch, and chatted with a table of upper classpersons that I probably never talked to again - except maybe a smile and "Hi" in passing.

It was a little act of kindness, of consideration, of seeing a "deer-in-the-headlights" look on the face of a stranger frozen in the middle of a college cafeteria and not just looking the other way. It was not little to me, it was huge. But too often, I look the other way - I don't reach out because I'm still afraid of rejection or because I'm lazy or because I think that there's no way ______ could want or need help from me. But the person who seems to have what I don't - a nicer house, a prettier face, a better job - might still need a moment of my time, my little act of kindness.

This was clearly brought home to me at the grocery store. I was shopping with Tommy at a time when both of us were getting over being sick. And when Tommy gets sick, it tends to be a major event with trips to the doctor, breathing treatments in the middle of the night, etc. I was at the end of my rope before I even got to the store, so you can imagine my state by the time we were in the check out aisle. One of the grocery baggers is the nicest, most helpful person you could hope to meet. He also has intellectual challenges and a job that is probably looked down upon by many. If he had an attitude like mine, he'd probably tell himself that others did not need his help. But, as usual, he asked if I'd like help bringing the groceries out the car, and this time I said, "Yes." He brought them out and loaded the huge cartful into my trunk. At that moment, this help was so needed and appreciated - it really helped me get through that difficult day. It's hard to risk rejection or lack of appreciation, but it should be harder to risk missing an opportunity to help someone in a moment of need!

10 Ways to Make a Husband Glad

OK, after my "public confessions" in the last post, I don't feel like such a hypocrite sharing these.     :-)

10.Think of something he wants but isn't buying because it's not on the budget. Try to find a way to buy it and surprise him.

9.If you're realize you're wrong in the middle of a fight, don't drag it out for another hour. Admit it and go on a beer run to give him time to cool off.

8.Don't keep the things you love about him to yourself.

7.Resolve to think only positive thoughts about him.

6.Get all dressed up one day just to spend the evening at home with him.

5.If you're not sure about his motives, assume the best. You'll probably be right.

4.You both need peace and quiet right after a hard day of work. Give it to him.

3.Let it go when he does something you don't like. DON'T say nothing and record in the mental notebook!

2.Next time you take out the trash, take the mental notebook with it.

1.Be, you know, "romantic." ;-)

Top 10 Ways To Make A Husband Mad

Obviously this post is written tongue-in-cheek, but these are all things I've caught myself doing. It's funny how they sound terrible in print but can seem so righteous when they're being done. Dare I say hypocrisy?

1.If he does not express his feelings very often, assume that he has none.

2.Never do anything without expecting something in return, even if it's just the pleasure of correcting him when he fails to say "Thank-you."

3.Never do anything for him or the kids without recording it in the mental notebook that you take out during all arguments.

4.If you're not 100% sure what his motives are, assume the worst.

5.After carrying out #4, spend some time dwelling on these heinous motives and don't forget to meditate on what a good wife you are.

6.If you realize that he's right during a disagreement, don't admit it. Just find something else to fight about.

7.Criticize him in front of his family.

8.When you have a problem with something he did, address him like you're a lawyer delivering your summation to the jury.

9.Refuse to tell him why you're mad and then get mad at him for not talking about it.

10.If you're feeling down, assume it's his fault and come up with the twisted logic to prove it.

Uncomfortable with Holy Thursday in prison?

Pope Francis celebrating Holy Thursday Mass in a juvenile prison makes me uncomfortable - uncomfortable with how little I reach out to those most in need. Uncomfortable with the fact that "meaning" to donate to charity so often turns into forgetting to donate. Uncomfortable because the clothes I bagged up for C-Cap are STILL sitting in a trash bag in my laundry room not doing anyone any good! Uncomfortable with how easily I bask comfortably in the "piety" and "orthodoxy" of my life.

But it does not just make me uncomfortable; it's also inspiring. It reminds me of how Jesus both made people uncomfortable and inspired them by forcing them to think about those they had written off. Think lepers, tax collectors, prostitutes, Samaritans, adulterous women. Pope Francis is doing the same thing for us.

I'm very good at coming up with the things I can't do because I don't have the time, I can't afford it, or it's not compatible with my vocation. When it comes to thinking about what I can do, that's where I fall short. Here are some new resolutions and I'm hoping that sharing them will help me to follow through. :-)

Give to charity with the same consistency and regularity that we pay our mortgage. Setting up monthly credit/debit cards payments is the way to go for me.

Bring the bag of clothes to C-Cap the next time I go out!

Put a few dollars in an envelope every time I treat myself or my family and give it to the Pregnancy Center next Easter.

Make a point of celebrating Christmas with a visit to a nursing home. Maybe bring goodies and homemade cards.

Most importantly, be open to new ways that I'm being called to give and keep paying attention to our wonderful new pope!