Emergency in the lunchroom

After a seventh grade year being bullied as a homeschooler that showed up at the public school for band class, after years of social awkwardness, after fighting for the ability to walk into a room full of my peers without wanting the floor to swallow me, I made the mistake of thinking I could walk into the Steubenville cafeteria by myself. Unwisely disregarding my rule of never showing up anywhere without a friend, I strolled in, confident that I'd see someone familiar and sit down with them. Besides the fact that it was the first week of my freshman year and I did not know many people yet, it wasn't like everyone went to lunch at the same time. So, I stood there with a tray full of food as panic set in. None of the open seats seemed like a safe bet - the danger of rejection was lurking everywhere. Any poise, any confidence I had gained since seventh grade vanished. I was once again the girl with no friends, the girl whom no one liked. The fact that I remember this moment so vividly 16 years later speaks volumes.

In a couple more seconds, I'd have probably dumped my lunch in the trash and gotten away as fast as possible. But then someone I'd never met came up to me, and he asked if I'd like to "sit with us for lunch." It wasn't flirting, it was one of the kindest acts of charity I've ever experienced. The memory of the relief and gratitude I felt is just as strong as the memory of the hellish thirty seconds before that. I sat down, had lunch, and chatted with a table of upper classpersons that I probably never talked to again - except maybe a smile and "Hi" in passing.

It was a little act of kindness, of consideration, of seeing a "deer-in-the-headlights" look on the face of a stranger frozen in the middle of a college cafeteria and not just looking the other way. It was not little to me, it was huge. But too often, I look the other way - I don't reach out because I'm still afraid of rejection or because I'm lazy or because I think that there's no way ______ could want or need help from me. But the person who seems to have what I don't - a nicer house, a prettier face, a better job - might still need a moment of my time, my little act of kindness.

This was clearly brought home to me at the grocery store. I was shopping with Tommy at a time when both of us were getting over being sick. And when Tommy gets sick, it tends to be a major event with trips to the doctor, breathing treatments in the middle of the night, etc. I was at the end of my rope before I even got to the store, so you can imagine my state by the time we were in the check out aisle. One of the grocery baggers is the nicest, most helpful person you could hope to meet. He also has intellectual challenges and a job that is probably looked down upon by many. If he had an attitude like mine, he'd probably tell himself that others did not need his help. But, as usual, he asked if I'd like help bringing the groceries out the car, and this time I said, "Yes." He brought them out and loaded the huge cartful into my trunk. At that moment, this help was so needed and appreciated - it really helped me get through that difficult day. It's hard to risk rejection or lack of appreciation, but it should be harder to risk missing an opportunity to help someone in a moment of need!

10 Ways to Make a Husband Glad

OK, after my "public confessions" in the last post, I don't feel like such a hypocrite sharing these.     :-)

10.Think of something he wants but isn't buying because it's not on the budget. Try to find a way to buy it and surprise him.

9.If you're realize you're wrong in the middle of a fight, don't drag it out for another hour. Admit it and go on a beer run to give him time to cool off.

8.Don't keep the things you love about him to yourself.

7.Resolve to think only positive thoughts about him.

6.Get all dressed up one day just to spend the evening at home with him.

5.If you're not sure about his motives, assume the best. You'll probably be right.

4.You both need peace and quiet right after a hard day of work. Give it to him.

3.Let it go when he does something you don't like. DON'T say nothing and record in the mental notebook!

2.Next time you take out the trash, take the mental notebook with it.

1.Be, you know, "romantic." ;-)

Top 10 Ways To Make A Husband Mad

Obviously this post is written tongue-in-cheek, but these are all things I've caught myself doing. It's funny how they sound terrible in print but can seem so righteous when they're being done. Dare I say hypocrisy?

1.If he does not express his feelings very often, assume that he has none.

2.Never do anything without expecting something in return, even if it's just the pleasure of correcting him when he fails to say "Thank-you."

3.Never do anything for him or the kids without recording it in the mental notebook that you take out during all arguments.

4.If you're not 100% sure what his motives are, assume the worst.

5.After carrying out #4, spend some time dwelling on these heinous motives and don't forget to meditate on what a good wife you are.

6.If you realize that he's right during a disagreement, don't admit it. Just find something else to fight about.

7.Criticize him in front of his family.

8.When you have a problem with something he did, address him like you're a lawyer delivering your summation to the jury.

9.Refuse to tell him why you're mad and then get mad at him for not talking about it.

10.If you're feeling down, assume it's his fault and come up with the twisted logic to prove it.

Uncomfortable with Holy Thursday in prison?

Pope Francis celebrating Holy Thursday Mass in a juvenile prison makes me uncomfortable - uncomfortable with how little I reach out to those most in need. Uncomfortable with the fact that "meaning" to donate to charity so often turns into forgetting to donate. Uncomfortable because the clothes I bagged up for C-Cap are STILL sitting in a trash bag in my laundry room not doing anyone any good! Uncomfortable with how easily I bask comfortably in the "piety" and "orthodoxy" of my life.

But it does not just make me uncomfortable; it's also inspiring. It reminds me of how Jesus both made people uncomfortable and inspired them by forcing them to think about those they had written off. Think lepers, tax collectors, prostitutes, Samaritans, adulterous women. Pope Francis is doing the same thing for us.

I'm very good at coming up with the things I can't do because I don't have the time, I can't afford it, or it's not compatible with my vocation. When it comes to thinking about what I can do, that's where I fall short. Here are some new resolutions and I'm hoping that sharing them will help me to follow through. :-)

Give to charity with the same consistency and regularity that we pay our mortgage. Setting up monthly credit/debit cards payments is the way to go for me.

Bring the bag of clothes to C-Cap the next time I go out!

Put a few dollars in an envelope every time I treat myself or my family and give it to the Pregnancy Center next Easter.

Make a point of celebrating Christmas with a visit to a nursing home. Maybe bring goodies and homemade cards.

Most importantly, be open to new ways that I'm being called to give and keep paying attention to our wonderful new pope!

Paying attention to popes

The Pope resigning has a lot of impact on someone like me who can't stand admitting that something is beyond my capability. And now that Benedict XVI has resigned, I realize that I should have been listening more closely to what he's taught by his words and actions over the past eight years. I only recently read one of his encyclicals - the one on the love of God - and was struck by how it meets the reader where she or he is. Somewhere along the way, the concept of God actually loving me had gotten buried under my preoccupations with worry, rules, and general worldliness. The words of the encyclical were a powerful reminder.

John Paul II became pope before I was born, so to me he "was" the pope in the same way that DC is the capital. I still haven't really gotten used to the fact that he is not the pope, or that the pope is not he, and this might be why I had not been as "tuned in" to Pope Benedict as I should have. As part of an effort to do better, the girls and I visited the "Adopt a Cardinal" website.

The website suggests praying to Holy Spirit before clicking "Enter" and getting your cardinal. I did it but did not think it was possible for us to get a cardinal that would have any personal meaning for me. The cardinal it gave us was Stanislaw Dziwisz. I was so surprised - I did "know" him, but I hadn't realized he was a cardinal.

Since he died, I've had more and more of a devotion to Blessed John Paul II. No matter how badly things are going or much I am failing, I'm always comfortable praying to him. I know in my mind that none of the saints will hate or shun me, but sometimes I don't feel that way, which makes it harder to pray. John Paul II, though, is so real to me, and I have seen how he treats each person with love, even - so I tell myself - people that are worse than me. Now that he has died, he is still one of the strongest supports for my faith and one of the most helpful reminders of God's mercy.

Getting back to Cardinal Dziwisz..........because of this devotion, I ordered a book about Pope John Paul II written by the monsignor who had been his secretary, Stanislaw Dziwisz. So for me, the computer randomly selecting Cardinal Dziwisz was a message of love from one of my favorite "Blesseds" and a reminder to give both the new pope and the Pope Emeritus my full attention.

To despise myself and want others to despise me?

The title is "inspired" by a book of daily meditations, a good book on the whole, but one that urges the reader to "despise yourself and to want others to despise you" - words that are written in the context of growing closer to God.

This advice grated on me, but I can remember trying to manufacture these sentiments. What a bad idea!

Despising myself never got me anywhere.......other than farther away from God. Why is despising myself the right thing to do? I'm one of God's creatures, loved by Him. Why would I want others to despise me? Shouldn't I want everyone to answer Christ's call to love? I don't want people to despise me; I want them to love me. And I want to grow in love for the people who come into my life. Those who go around "despising" are not happy or holy, so why would any Christian wish this behavior on someone?

Undoubtedly, my sins are ugly, and even more so than I realize. Despising my sins helps me love God and others, as well as myself. Despising myself doesn't do anything for anyone. I am not my sins; people are not defined by their sins unless they choose to be. "Love the sinner and hate the sin" is great advice - and it applies to ourselves, too.

"Beer with Jesus"

"....a beer with Jesus..." The words coming from the radio caught my attention, and my scrupulous evil twin reached over and turned it off.

The song didn't get another thought and that was the end of it, until Tom asked days later if I was really sure it was wrong to want to have a beer with Jesus. As he mentioned, that's basically what the apostles did, except it was wine (which I like better anyway!) This was the start of a thought-provoking conversation and some time spent thinking about how I tend to approach God vs. how He chose to approach us.

So the next time the song came on, I listened all the way through........and ended up loving it. It might not be theologically perfect on all points (nor am I attempting to give all Thomas Rhett songs an Imprimatur!) but this one is really worth hearing and pondering.

The idea of having Jesus here, in 2013, sitting down for a chat (regardless of what we're having to drink!) at first seems to me childish or even irreverent.......but then, that is what He did - just in a different "messed up" age. At  times that my faith has been shaky, this image of Jesus is the one that's been farthest from my mind.

Philosophical arguments aren't that helpful when I'm trying to fight back the image of God as "someone who lets terrible things happen." I may never really understand this issue or grasp why He saved us through His own torture and death. Embracing the fact it's my understanding that is lacking, not His love, is the answer, but getting there can be hard.

Remembering that Jesus did become an actual Person - a Person who ate, and drank, and talked with His friends - and that He did choose to save us through pain and death, helps me to keep faith and sanity when "bad things" happen or when the news is full of events that make me sick to my stomach. And yes, when it's hard to keep believing and trusting, I think sitting down and having a talk and drink with Jesus is what most of us really want to do!