The title is "inspired" by a book of daily meditations, a good book on the whole, but one that urges the reader to "despise yourself and to want others to despise you" - words that are written in the context of growing closer to God.
This advice grated on me, but I can remember trying to manufacture these sentiments. What a bad idea!
Despising myself never got me anywhere.......other than farther away from God. Why is despising myself the right thing to do? I'm one of God's creatures, loved by Him. Why would I want others to despise me? Shouldn't I want everyone to answer Christ's call to love? I don't want people to despise me; I want them to love me. And I want to grow in love for the people who come into my life. Those who go around "despising" are not happy or holy, so why would any Christian wish this behavior on someone?
Undoubtedly, my sins are ugly, and even more so than I realize. Despising my sins helps me love God and others, as well as myself. Despising myself doesn't do anything for anyone. I am not my sins; people are not defined by their sins unless they choose to be. "Love the sinner and hate the sin" is great advice - and it applies to ourselves, too.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
"Beer with Jesus"
"....a beer with Jesus..." The words coming from the radio caught my attention, and my scrupulous evil twin reached over and turned it off.
The song didn't get another thought and that was the end of it, until Tom asked days later if I was really sure it was wrong to want to have a beer with Jesus. As he mentioned, that's basically what the apostles did, except it was wine (which I like better anyway!) This was the start of a thought-provoking conversation and some time spent thinking about how I tend to approach God vs. how He chose to approach us.
So the next time the song came on, I listened all the way through........and ended up loving it. It might not be theologically perfect on all points (nor am I attempting to give all Thomas Rhett songs an Imprimatur!) but this one is really worth hearing and pondering.
The idea of having Jesus here, in 2013, sitting down for a chat (regardless of what we're having to drink!) at first seems to me childish or even irreverent.......but then, that is what He did - just in a different "messed up" age. At times that my faith has been shaky, this image of Jesus is the one that's been farthest from my mind.
Philosophical arguments aren't that helpful when I'm trying to fight back the image of God as "someone who lets terrible things happen." I may never really understand this issue or grasp why He saved us through His own torture and death. Embracing the fact it's my understanding that is lacking, not His love, is the answer, but getting there can be hard.
Remembering that Jesus did become an actual Person - a Person who ate, and drank, and talked with His friends - and that He did choose to save us through pain and death, helps me to keep faith and sanity when "bad things" happen or when the news is full of events that make me sick to my stomach. And yes, when it's hard to keep believing and trusting, I think sitting down and having a talk and drink with Jesus is what most of us really want to do!
The song didn't get another thought and that was the end of it, until Tom asked days later if I was really sure it was wrong to want to have a beer with Jesus. As he mentioned, that's basically what the apostles did, except it was wine (which I like better anyway!) This was the start of a thought-provoking conversation and some time spent thinking about how I tend to approach God vs. how He chose to approach us.
So the next time the song came on, I listened all the way through........and ended up loving it. It might not be theologically perfect on all points (nor am I attempting to give all Thomas Rhett songs an Imprimatur!) but this one is really worth hearing and pondering.
The idea of having Jesus here, in 2013, sitting down for a chat (regardless of what we're having to drink!) at first seems to me childish or even irreverent.......but then, that is what He did - just in a different "messed up" age. At times that my faith has been shaky, this image of Jesus is the one that's been farthest from my mind.
Philosophical arguments aren't that helpful when I'm trying to fight back the image of God as "someone who lets terrible things happen." I may never really understand this issue or grasp why He saved us through His own torture and death. Embracing the fact it's my understanding that is lacking, not His love, is the answer, but getting there can be hard.
Remembering that Jesus did become an actual Person - a Person who ate, and drank, and talked with His friends - and that He did choose to save us through pain and death, helps me to keep faith and sanity when "bad things" happen or when the news is full of events that make me sick to my stomach. And yes, when it's hard to keep believing and trusting, I think sitting down and having a talk and drink with Jesus is what most of us really want to do!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
The unmentionable "m" word
Before you figure out what the post is about and quickly exit, let me say that its NOT about what I think people should wear or how long or short skirts should be. The mention of the "m" issue is enough to generate a lively, if not heated, conversation in many circles, which might be why lots of people keep their thoughts on it to themselves.
That being said, the opinions about "m" that I do hear are often in one of two categories.
I'm not sure that society has ever had a view of "m" based on a real understanding of women and men and even of humanity in general. For me, some of the most healthy and helpful words about "m" are in Love and Responsibility written by Blessed John Paul II before he became pope. He says -
"What is truly immodest in dress is that which frankly contributes to the deliberate displacement of the true value of the person by sexual values, that which is bound to elicit a reaction to the person as to 'a possible means of obtaining sexual enjoyment' and not 'a possible object of love by reason of his or her personal value.' The principle is simple and obvious, but its application in specific cases depends upon the individual, the milieu, the society. Dress is always a social question, a function of (healthy or unhealthy) social customs. We must simply stress that although considerations of an aesthetic nature may seem to be decisive here they are not and cannot be the only ones; considerations of an ethical nature exist side by side with them. Man, alas, is not such a perfect being that the sight of the body of another person, especially a person of the other sex, can arouse in him merely a disinterested liking which develops into an innocent affection. In practice it also arouses concupiscence, or a wish to enjoy concentrated on sexual values with no regard for the value of the person. And this must be taken into account."
He further writes -
"If then we wish to pass a moral judgment on particular forms of dress we have to start from the particular functions which they serve. When a person uses such a form of dress in accordance with its objective function we cannot claim to see anything immodest in it...Whereas the use of such a costume outside its proper context is immodest...For example, there is nothing immodest about the use of a bathing costume at a bathing place, but to wear it in the street or while out for a walk is contrary to the dictates of modesty."
John Paul II has written so much more that is relevant to the "m" issue - and that goes much deeper - but these quotes are great food for thought and a starting point for getting away from extremes.
One last observation is that, to some degree, everyone probably bases their decisions about "m" on their own experiences, outlook, and temptations (or lack thereof). It's not just that men and women tend to have substantially different outlooks, but this seems to vary a lot even from one individual to another, regardless of gender. For me, this is a reminder to avoid judging people for what they wear and that it's worth going through the extra inconvenience of trying to be "m" out of love for others.
That being said, the opinions about "m" that I do hear are often in one of two categories.
- After hearing their thoughts or reading the quotes, I feel like a walking, talking instrument of Satan, an occasion of sin that needs to be swathed in layers of shapeless fabric lest an unsuspecting man be dragged into the pit of hell.............No, they don't come out and say that, but it's a negative, "can't be too careful," burden on the women approach.
- People should wear whatever they like, whatever is in style; it's up to those around them to keep their minds pure and clean.
I'm not sure that society has ever had a view of "m" based on a real understanding of women and men and even of humanity in general. For me, some of the most healthy and helpful words about "m" are in Love and Responsibility written by Blessed John Paul II before he became pope. He says -
"What is truly immodest in dress is that which frankly contributes to the deliberate displacement of the true value of the person by sexual values, that which is bound to elicit a reaction to the person as to 'a possible means of obtaining sexual enjoyment' and not 'a possible object of love by reason of his or her personal value.' The principle is simple and obvious, but its application in specific cases depends upon the individual, the milieu, the society. Dress is always a social question, a function of (healthy or unhealthy) social customs. We must simply stress that although considerations of an aesthetic nature may seem to be decisive here they are not and cannot be the only ones; considerations of an ethical nature exist side by side with them. Man, alas, is not such a perfect being that the sight of the body of another person, especially a person of the other sex, can arouse in him merely a disinterested liking which develops into an innocent affection. In practice it also arouses concupiscence, or a wish to enjoy concentrated on sexual values with no regard for the value of the person. And this must be taken into account."
He further writes -
"If then we wish to pass a moral judgment on particular forms of dress we have to start from the particular functions which they serve. When a person uses such a form of dress in accordance with its objective function we cannot claim to see anything immodest in it...Whereas the use of such a costume outside its proper context is immodest...For example, there is nothing immodest about the use of a bathing costume at a bathing place, but to wear it in the street or while out for a walk is contrary to the dictates of modesty."
John Paul II has written so much more that is relevant to the "m" issue - and that goes much deeper - but these quotes are great food for thought and a starting point for getting away from extremes.
One last observation is that, to some degree, everyone probably bases their decisions about "m" on their own experiences, outlook, and temptations (or lack thereof). It's not just that men and women tend to have substantially different outlooks, but this seems to vary a lot even from one individual to another, regardless of gender. For me, this is a reminder to avoid judging people for what they wear and that it's worth going through the extra inconvenience of trying to be "m" out of love for others.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
The real future
Even in my very early twenties, the "me" I pictured in the future was a tall blond with long, thick hair........about the time we got married was when the reality struck that I was who I was, and my only hope for a gorgeous head of hair was an expensive wig! Oddly enough, that's not the only time that my vision of the future has been just a bit off.The career woman or amazing homemaker has been replaced by someone who's still in PJ's at 4pm because she's trying to work on the computer every minute the baby is asleep! When dinner and I are both ready on time, Tom is sometimes running late. And when I have neither gotten dressed nor put the frozen pizzas in the oven, he sometimes gets home early. Not having totally accepted my failure to live up to my own ideal, panic sets in. Then a mad dash to swap pajama pants for jeans, lock myself in the bathroom, and see what lipstick, hairspray and perfume can do in the 60 seconds it takes him to get from the car to the house!
I was also someone who wasn't going to change my ways simply because I had children. When I needed new clothes, I'd spend a couple hours picking out my outfit, fixing and touching up my hair, and applying makeup (half hour minimum on this part alone). Then I'd spend the day at the mall with a friend, get something to eat, and then shop some more. How drastically things have changed really struck me yesterday. In the vicinity of Target with about 10 minutes to spare before picking up the girls from school, I ran in with Tommy, grabbed four shirts off the clearance rack, paid, and zipped over to the carpool line. (Surprisingly, they all fit.......help from the guardian angel perhaps!)
Hopefully, my goals for the future are more realistic (and less materialistic) now, but I'm sure grateful for these funny memories that help keep it light!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Can a working mom be saved?
Sometimes I feel damned, doomed, whatever, just by the century we live in.........I read about saintly people and find it hard to relate. There's a standard answer, but perhaps more meaningful are some of the people I've run across lately who lived in this same crazy world. For me, they give hope, and I really love how they demolish some popular judgments and stereotypes, too.
Blessed Chiara Luce Badano - http://www.chiaraluce.org/ - was born in 1971 and died at age 18. As a teenager (besides being holy) she went to school, socialized with friends at a coffee shop, played tennis, and wore makeup.........among many other things. Saint Gianna Beretta Molla - http://www.saintgianna.org/ - I've known about for a while, but it was wonderful to see a photo of her dressed in pants! And she was a working mom, too, who enjoyed dancing and date nights with her husband.
Someone less well-known is Servant of God Charles Untz - http://catholicism.org/another-patron-for-boy-scouts.html - who died in 2000 at age 18. He was homeschooled with Seton (and lots of us can relate to that!) and was an Eagle Scout who was involved with the parish youth group and had a part-time job.
Obviously, all the things I'm pointing out aren't what make them great, but they do make a point about what's essential and what's not. Since my pants, job, and makeup don't disqualify me, it's time to start trying to be like them in what does matter.
(See Chiara Luce A life lived to the full, by Michele Zanzucchi)
(See Saint Gianna Molla, by Pietro Molla and Elio Guerriero)
Blessed Chiara Luce Badano - http://www.chiaraluce.org/ - was born in 1971 and died at age 18. As a teenager (besides being holy) she went to school, socialized with friends at a coffee shop, played tennis, and wore makeup.........among many other things. Saint Gianna Beretta Molla - http://www.saintgianna.org/ - I've known about for a while, but it was wonderful to see a photo of her dressed in pants! And she was a working mom, too, who enjoyed dancing and date nights with her husband.
Someone less well-known is Servant of God Charles Untz - http://catholicism.org/another-patron-for-boy-scouts.html - who died in 2000 at age 18. He was homeschooled with Seton (and lots of us can relate to that!) and was an Eagle Scout who was involved with the parish youth group and had a part-time job.
Obviously, all the things I'm pointing out aren't what make them great, but they do make a point about what's essential and what's not. Since my pants, job, and makeup don't disqualify me, it's time to start trying to be like them in what does matter.
(See Chiara Luce A life lived to the full, by Michele Zanzucchi)
(See Saint Gianna Molla, by Pietro Molla and Elio Guerriero)
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
The Surprise
Sometime Sunday morning, I half woke up when he came in the room and thought, "Oh good, he got up and can go to bed for a few hours before Mass." I fell back asleep hearing - as I thought - Tom finding his PJ's and getting ready for bed. But when I kept hearing him, I started to wonder........so I cracked open my eyes and he was in his dress clothes.........the alarm hadn't even gone off yet.
"Watcha doin'?" "It's a secret. I'm going to Mass now because I'm doing something special for you." ?????????????????????
I had no idea what was going on, but he took Tommy and headed to the 8:30 Mass.
Still wondering, I got home later after 10:30 Mass and CCD, walked into the dining room and.............the room was cleaned up, the table looked nicer than it has in years - good table cloth and dishes, bouquet of roses. AND the dishes were done and he had bacon, scrambled eggs with veggies and bacon, pancakes with lots of toppings, donuts, and mimosas all ready to be served! (This from a man who loathes cooking BTW.) Of course it was wonderful to come home to delicious food, and it also brought back good memories since Tom and I used to make a huge brunch (including cocktails) on Sundays when we were engaged!
It was not hard to find something to be positive about this Sunday - thank you, Sweetie, you're the best!
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Girls' Night Earrings
Now that Jeanne is married and a mom, too, we have even more in common, and I'm so glad that she introduced me to earring-making this past year. A fast learner I definitely am not, but Jeanne has always been able to keep her tact and a straight face! Her seed-bead earrings are, in my opinion, the highlights of our joint collection, and I'm excited to learn how to work with them. I invariably drop or lose a bead when we get together, so I've been hesitant to try these tiny beads!
For someone like me who doesn't draw, knit, sew, etc., making earrings is a rewarding way to be creative - not to mention a good excuse to get out of the house for a relaxing girls night! We also love that fact that we end up keeping and wearing our favorite pairs, and displaying the earrings at festivals has been fun, too. I've been a person with no hobby for years - thank you, Jeanne, for changing that!
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